Dear Dr. Buckingham,
I have been reading your articles for some time now and I notice that you often talk about God and often encourage people to pray. My husband and I have been married for 12 years, but we are having problems because we do not operate as one or put each other first. Also, family members and friends are constantly in our business.
We are faithful church members and do what is expected of us. However, despite all of the praying and worshipping, our marriage is on the rocks. I struggle to understand how we have so much conflict considering that we are committed Christians. In your opinion, “Why Do So Many Christian Couples Fail At Marriage?” Please advise.
Godly Wife
Dear Godly Wife,
Thanks for reading my articles and for asking such an important question. In my opinion, many Christian couples fail at marriage because individuals forget that when they got married, they entered into a covenant relationship with God. Unfortunately, as time passes, individuals focus less on their spouse, more on themselves, and allow others to enter into their marital space.
The legal marital agreement that you made with your husband is a man made contract that is difficult to uphold during tough times. On the other hand, the covenant or agreement that you and your husband made before God should be easier to uphold during tough times because He is always faithful to His Word.
Your marriage covenant is based on your agreement and commitment to operate as one in togetherness. Gen 2:24 states, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh”. This means that you and your husband become one and should always strive to work in harmony. Also, Matthew 19:6 states, “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”
You and your husband should have a Bonnie and Clyde mentality, “Us Against the World.” This does not mean that others cannot contribute to your marriage, but be leery of anyone who tries to create separation within your household.
Divorce lurks when Christian couples lose understanding of what it means to join together in agreement where no man can separate them. God has already provided the template for your marital success, but many couples allow family members and others to cause separation within their marriage, thus destroying the essence of what it means to become “one flesh.”
Remember that your covenant to your husband is bigger than you and your commitment to the church. Both you and your husband agreed to become one flesh and to let no man separate you. The success of your marriage does not depend solely on you and your husband, but on the promises of God.
As you work to save your marriage, please keep in mind that marriage is not a contractual agreement; it is a covenant between you and your husband that can withstand the test of time because it was based on God’s word. Given this, I highly recommend that you and your husband take some time to read and meditate on Gen 2:24 and Matthew 19:6. When the Word of God is absent in marriage, so is the absence of life long commitment.
Best regards,
Dr. Buckingham
If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to askdrbuckingham@gmail.com
Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.